I love Saturdays. Saturdays are usually a family day. We take Elizabeth swimming and just generally hang out. Saturdays are also when I would spend time with my Dad when I was younger and until very recently, we would go to football together - every home game. I would occasionally miss a few games due to work as weddings tend to be on Saturdays but this is a day that has always felt like it's a family day. Since having Elizabeth, I've loved knowing that I get to spend a whole day at the weekend with my new family.
Then this morning, I had this awful feeling as I watched my husband and daughter leave the flat. They were going out and I wasn't with them. They had a swimming class to attend and I couldn't go too. I had work. Two people had decided to get married and wanted me to be their photographer. I didn't want to do it! I wanted to be with my family, not with a bunch of strangers. This morning I decided that I didn't want to be a photographer anymore because I couldn't miss out on that one day a week when I get to spend time with my husband and daughter together.
It's so silly! This isn't my first wedding since having E. Why did today feel so different? I think it's because usually it's me leaving them - this morning they left me. I was in the flat on my own and was missing out on that precious time that we get together one day a week. So no more weddings. I'll have to tell Frans...
So off I go to work. The weather is miserable - it's pouring with rain and I have a venue that's very dark and cramped inside, plus a couple who want a LOT of photos taken. I'm not excited like I used to be and I feel like I'm going to let this couple down.
Then I arrive and get into work mode. We manage to dodge the showers and ended up with beautiful blue skies for the photos. It's a wonderful day, although a little stressful but I've had far worse. The wedding couple are so happy and so grateful and just excited to be married. I'm reminded of the reasons why I love my job, why I do this every week. I can't give it up but can I really do this all the time and be a working mum?